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  • Bmkar

One Week Later - June 12, 2020

Updated: Aug 27, 2020

A special thank you from me because I can feel your righteousness for justice in this world and personally for me.  I have been hesitant to share my fully formed thoughts about the state of the world, mainly because I have been having a hard time solidifying my feelings.  I have not been the most cheery person in the world (and, certainly, not in this house...more on that in a minute)...

I am going to be completely open, honest and raw with you.  Some of this is coming out of my mouth (or fingers, in this case) for the first time, so I must apologize in advance for my possible incoherence.  Here it goes:

I am tired.  Maybe it’s because I am in my 50’s now.  Unfortunately, my cynicism has been in full effect when cautious optimism should be my most prominent mental state.  I have asked too many times, “Why now?”, when “Now is the time” should be my battle cry.  I guess I have seen this movie too many times to fully embrace the bet that this time is different.  Momentum in this moment seems to be as strong as ever for “the change”.    Maybe, it’s the perfect storm combination of:  (1) a clear, unedited video of a black man’s murder by an unapologetically racist cop while his three partners basically watched; (2) The Corona keeping everyone cooped up for nearly three months, leaving tanks full of pent up outrage energy to explode on something; (3) The Corona causing job losses and furloughs, giving souls the time to release their idle outrage energy; and, finally (4) a racist president in office who is so stupid he couldn’t help himself from throwing burning matchbooks into the fuel of outrage energy.  Maybe, finally, we have the karma universe’s reason for allowing him to ever be president.  Without his current doofusness and utter race-baiting even before he took office, the racist cop might have been less homicidal and/or the outrage energy would have flamed out early as the GOP distracted us with probably their 4th or 5th attempt by now at impeaching Hillary.  So, maybe now really is the time...

But, time for what really?  They can convict this racist cop and execute him immediately.  Do you know what will still be left behind as everyone raises their fist with joy because we got one racist?  Racism.  The same prejudices since humans became sentient.  The  same white supremacy ideology that docked upon the shores of North America and enslaved humans in 1619.  We (meaning black folk as I get even more personal) have been asking for fundamental civil rights since then.  Since 1863, we have been on the “three steps forward, one step back” plan.  Progress is made, but the end goal always seems it could be reachable, but we never get there.  We tried marching non-violently with Dr. King (three steps forward, backlash follows).  We let the Black Panthers have a minute doing the anti-Dr King.  No closer to the goal.  The greatest American leader (King) was murdered 52 years ago, and police will still kill 5-15 of us every year (on video...and, for goodness sake, how many not on video?).  We tried non-violence.  We’ve tried riots.  We elected a black man president for fuck sakes!  And, while driving, my heart still races a little faster if a cop car is behind me.

It has been a positive heartening I have felt with white people pretty much taking the reigns of this moment.  The number of companies who have not emailed me pledging allegiance to Black Lives Matter is a far shorter list than the so many that have.  But, in the end, what do we need?

The law enforcement reforms we need must occur at every state, county and city levels.  My overeager activist leaders are already fucking the momentum with the overreaching (and non-PR friendly sounding) slogan of “Defund The Police”.  Seriously?  We have all these Hollywood and music creatives on our side, and THAT is the most appealing headline goal for Soccer Moms to rally with us?  Bollocks...

And, finally, I cannot trust this ADHD nation to stay focused long-term.  Rosa Parks was arrested on December 1, 1955.  The subsequent bus boycott ended a little over a year later.  The Voting Rights Act was signed by LBJ in 1965.  Do we see today’s America staying focused enough ato withstand Mitch McConnell’s constant delays beyond 4th of July weekend?  My most often expressed sentiment when this president buries himself with his stupid mouth and tweets is, “I really wish this was October...”

I am running out of hope.  In the coming months and years, there will be more dead black people by police or their white vigilantes.  We will cry, then march and possibly riot.  Then, we will move on with our lives.  Only for it to happen again.  Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat.  I am almost empty on hope we will ever get there in my lifetime.  I will try my best to hang on to the “Almost” part.  Universe, I am begging you:  please prove me wrong this time...


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